Day 4

I'm done. When I was getting heartburn last night on the way home on the bus, I decided it was time to quit. I tried to drink the last of my elixir, and it burned all of the way down. I also got into a really weird mind set, probably much like the anorexics. I didn't need to have any food or the drink, and I felt fine. I could have done this another day, but I wouldn't be able to drink the mix. I wouldn't be taking anything in but water, which I know isn't bad, but I thought it was a slippery slope.

I made a yummy organic soup, and had a little of the broth last night.

I lost a total of 4 lbs, which was just enough to get a little of the bloat down. It also gave me time to think of what the heck I put into my body. I don't want to put bad things back in me. We'll see how long that lasts.

I figure if I can do that, I can do anything. I'm up for other cleanses in the future (thanks Moon for ideas). Let's see, I wanted to answer a few questions..

My tongue did not turn pink.
I did not crap my pants at work (only in the shower, but not while wearing pants)
My throat didn't burn from the cayenne, but it did from the lemon.
I don't think that I had a weird smell.

Things I learned:
I do not drink enough water.
When I have a hunger pang, it really isn't anything. Just drink another glass of water. I can tell my self, "You basically went three days with out eating, what's another hour before lunch".

This will be my last post, but it was kinda fun.

Hi Lori. You are mentioned in my blog. :)

Update #2

I'm back to thinking of trying it for one more day. Although, I can't really drink the drink anymore. We'll see how I feel tonight...

I've made it this far...

Update---

It's official... this is the last day of the cleanse. I can't stand the taste of the elixir. There is no way I can drink this shit for another day. I knew that I would come to my senses.

I feel better about the decision.

Day 3

Thank goodness for baby wipes, that's I have to say. Last night I was ready to quit and stop this thing. But then I realized that I was 2/3rds of the way through, and what's one more day.

I have read that the Senna tea gives you cramps. I thought the people were crazy. We'll, at 3am, I thought I was giving birth. Thankfully, that 'release' stopped the cramping. One explosion in the bathroom, and back to bed. The alarm went off at 6:30am, but I snoozed an extra 10 minutes. The thought went through my head that "I can't do this again". But, I got up.

I think that I didn't put 2 tsp of salt in the water. I heard that a little lemon makes it better. I was fixated on adding lemon, so I might have only put 1 tsp in the water. I don't think it was as effective, but it worked. This am wasn't so bad.

I'm even thinking that I can do it for another day, but I'm not going to get ahead of myself. Why the new found attitude? I'm not muffining over my pants so much. You can actually see that my tummy isn't so big. But, I've gotten so I can't drink that shit anymore. The smell of maple syrup makes me want to gag.

But, I don't feel tired. I used to wake up exhausted, and be so tired all day that I wanted to nap. I can't believe I haven't eaten anytihng in over 48 hours and I have energy. Maybe this is how the anorexic's feel! ha ha

Anyway, I'm happy that I did this. Just looking a little less bloated in the mirror, gives the hope that I can get back into all of my extremely cute clothes that are now sitting in Rubbermaid Toes.

No really interesting poo stories. More 'stuff' is coming out, and not just yellow water. At this point in the day I'm like "Sure! I can do this for another day! Why not?". But, tonight, when I'm starving and can't drink the drink anymore, I'll be begging Andy to eat.

I'm thinking a 3 day cleanse is enough. I'm pretty sure I got some of the toxins and bad stuff out. Now I need to put some good stuff in. Maybe I'll just do the am cleanse and see how I feel. So, stay tuned to see if I continue, or I'm done.

Happy Talk like a pirate day! Arrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Day 2

Last night, I couldn't deal, so I went to bed at 10pm. I was going to go to sleep, but watched Dr. 90210 instead. I have to say, the liquid facial looked alright. I wonder how much those cost.

Anyway, woke up at 6:30am to drink the salt water. Since yesterday it worked in about 30 minutes, I wanted to have more bathroom time before I had to get ready for work. I think the key to getting up early is getting out of bed when the alarm goes off (the first time). The water was really tough to get down today, I had to take a break because I almost threw up. After I got it all down, I had Andy listen to my belly. He said it sounded like there was a burping contest going on in there. It was so loud, I could hear it. So, I spent the next 1 1/2 hours running to the toilet. I was sitting sort of propped up resting, then I would sprint to the bathroom. We decided that two people in the household could not be on the cleanse with only one bathroom. One person would have to stand in the shower to do their butt pee. Throught the am, my stomach sounds turned into bull frogs.

It seemed there was a bit of reminent Thai food from Sunday, but it was mostly a brownish yellow water. It wasn't as bad as the day before, and I am interested to see what tomorow will bring.

I am back and forth between quitting and moving forward. I wasn't hungry at all this am, and didn't have my first drink until almost noon. I drank tea and water once I got to work. I thought I would need more drink at work today (since I went through it all yesterday), but I don't think so. It tastes fine, I think I'm sick of it already.

I was all ready to quit my tomorrow, but it is already noon! What is one more day to see what my butt pee will look like. By far, the worst part is the am.

I have lost 3 lbs so far. I know it isn't real weight, but I do feel less bloated. I am hoping I don't binge. That is my only real fear.

My work butt pee is bright yellow. What the hell is that? Oh, and my toungue is super furry, practically white. They say it is vile during the course of this thing.

I think this is the only post for the day, unless something really interesting happens.

Day 1

I had a hard time falling asleep. Probably because it was Sunday (I usually have a hard time falling asleep on Sundays). I was a little anxious on what the next day would bring. Would that crazy tea work?

Before Andy went to sleep, I had him listen to my belly to hear what it sounded like. He said it sounded like a squeeky door. Man, I really need a stethoscope. Now, on to what has happened.

7am- work up and drank my 32oz of luke warm water and went back to bed. I am NEVER up at 7am, but wanted enough time in the bathroom before I went to work. It wasn't so great, and I forced myself to drink it. Then, I remember when I had about 4 oz left that someone online said it tasted like chicken soup. So, mid gulp, I changed my thinking to "I am drinking chicken soup". It worked. The last bit wasn't so bad.

So I waited.

7:20am, false alarm. I made Andy listen to my belly again. He said it sounded like squeeky doors and popping bubble wrap under water.

7:21am, 1st movment.Okay, this is what is supposed to happen. I went back to bed to watch TV (which we never do) and wait to see if anything else will happen.

7:25am, I remember saying "I don't think that I can poo anymore. I dont' know if anything else will come out". J,M & J, I peed out my butt! I literally was peeing out my butt. I read online that you should be near a bathroom, but they don't tell you that YOU PEE OUT YOUR BUTT. The peeing stopped, so I went back to bed to wait a little longer.

7:30am, we watched Ann Curry (my friend, I shall call "Lee" has a crush on her) on I think the Today show? I have no idea, I don't watch any of that stuff in the am. I'm usually asleep. Anyway, she is going to do a segment on Fad Diets after the break. One of the examples on the table looks suspiciciously like my cleanse exilir. I run to the toilet again during the commercial. More butt pee. This time I ask Andy if he could hear me through the wall. He could, and could not believe that was #2 and not #1.

The fad diets they talk about are eating backwards, a big dinner in the am, lunch and then a small breakfast. The next was the container diet. Everything you ate for the day was put in little containers, then a big container. The diet lady said something stupid about what if you were invited to lunch and then you had to bust out your container. Ann Curry said, or You could just buy a bigger container". No wonder Lee likes her, she is smart. Next up the Master Cleanser. I think they basically they said it was bad for you. Well, it isn't a diet, it is a cleanse. They did say you would lose weight, but it is full of fructose, so that is bad. I stopped listening what else they had to say, and missed the last fad diet. I had to run to the toilet. I wasn't taking any chances. I also read online that someone said not to fart. They weren't kidding.

I really needed to get into work, so I thought I should take a shower and be on with it. WARNING- THE NEXT BIT IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. Of course, as I get shampooin my hair, I have to go. I knew from my last few toilet calls, that it was just brown water. So, I let it rip. Yes, you read it. I poo'd in the shower. No where on the internet in any of these Master Cleanse/Lemonade diets do they tell you that you may poo in the shower. They said be close to a bathroom, and they weren't kidding about that one. BUT, not once did they descibe the magnitude of this. You could shit your pants if you took a breath wrong. Thankfully, it all went down the drain. I did one more water poo, then out of the shower.

After I reported to Andy my shower happenings, I saw him get out of bed and put on his pants. Hurray! I was getting a ride to work. He said today was a special day and that I needed to get a ride. He also said I should pack a change of clothes.

I made my food for the day, and realized my container could only fit 3 drinks. I may have to adjust for other days, if I make it that long. Andy wouldn't let me leave the house until I went to get a change of clothes. He is so cute. So, in case you are wondering, I have a pair of big girl panties and a pair of jeans under my desk. Another note, get really soft TP. I will be raw by tomorrow.

Oh, and I realized that if I did this for 10 days, it would lead me right into vacation. There is no way that I can do the post cleanse routine while at his sister's wedding, so I decided to shorten it to 5 days. Honestly, after the mornings activities, if I make it 3 days it will be a miracle. Before I started I was all righteous (in my mind). "I can do this! I will prove it to myself that I can do it". Who am I fuckind kiddin! I crapped in the shower! That ain't right.

1:30pm- UPDATE- These are the longest blogs ever. Okay, what does my poo journal say. I am doing alright. It is interesting to notice that I was very hungry from about 11ish-12:30ish (the time I normally eat lunch). It was a weird sensation not to go and get something to eat. Normally, I am starving until 10am or so. I think I was too afraid to eat.

I think if I can get through the morning shitting, I'll be okay. I go between, OMG I can't do this another day to it's not so bad.

Oh, and the plus is I found a good toilet on the 13th floor in our office building. Floors 14-17 are always booked up with people, and I also run the risk of stinking up the place (and running into co-workers). Oh, I didn't mention the stench in the earlier poo ramblings, but it is there.

Oh, and before I left the house. I had lost one pound. That, my friend, is the reason for this tortue.

I shall continue to drink my mint tea, and finish up the day.

Pre-cleanse day

Questions I am hoping to answer. Will my tongue really turn pink? Will I crap my pants at work? Will my throat stop burning?

I can't remember what I was trying to research online, when I came across the Master Cleanser. After reading about it, I realized this was the same detox that my friend Maylor was doing years ago, WAY before Beyonce made it famous. After reading as many blogs as I could stand and watching many You Tube videos about the cleanse, I decided to try it. I ordered the book and here I am.

I thought this week would be a good time to start, since we don't have anything going on this week. I won't be tempted by happy hour, dinner at a friends, movie popcorn or anything else. Just my lemonade drink all week. I was supposed to start yesterday, but realized I needed to get a couple of last brunches in before I was going to TRY to start eating healthy again.

I just got back from purchasing some supplies. I heard Trader Joes had everything, so I went there, even though Sunday at 5pm is the worst time to go. Madhouse. They did not have organic lemons or organic maple syrup, but I figure I will need to buy more of this stuff, so I'll try Whole Foods for the next batch. I found the tea at Rainbow Remides, if that matters.

I made one batch to try it out, and gave half to my guy. Let's call him Andy. It is recommended to make a batch to see how much juice is in your lemons. For the record, my lemons are small, so they are one serving. I have to say, it is quite tasty, except for the fact my throat has not stopped burning.

I am going to have to get over the fact that this blog will be about poo and other nasty things, so be warned.

I also read online that if you don't have regular 'movement's, then you shouldn't do this detox. Well, I don't, but I am going to give it a go anyway.

Well, I'm off to eat leftover Thai food. The last food that I will consume for the next 10 days. Let's see if I can do it. It I make it three days, I'll be happy.

I think the blog is addictive... I have eaten my delicious Thai food, and am watching the Pre-Emmy red carpet. I have thought of other questions that I hope to get answered during this blog. I will not be able to focus unless I get these questions listeded.

Will my sense of smell change? It is already very acute, so I hope it doesn't get acuter. I already can barely walk down the street without dry heaving.

Oh, and the reason I am doing this? I thought it would help to jump start my quest to eat healthier. I have fallen off the wagon the last few years. I can't help it. I have strong Midwestern roots, and I likes my wine and cheese.

Oh... I didn't calculate that the end part of this thing I will be on vacation.

Will I have a weird smell?